Running away

Running away from home.

My Heterosexual lifemate, kindred, #1 bitch and ho, Katie Pie, k8 of the lore, Don Hiltz, and also known as wifey has ran away from home.  I woke up this morning wishing I could too.  We all have different reasons for needing a break from our lives.  Sometimes it is a celebratory vacation such as a honeymoon or a birthday trip.  A business trip with a couple of days tacked on the end, these are planned vacations when yes we are away from home but that is simply because we have a destination.  In this case of pack a bag and leave for an extended amount of time with no responsibilities and no one to answer to or care for, it is more about the leaving and less about the destination.  

We all have something in life we are good at, some call it a hobby, a passion, our calling.  For those of us who have designed our lives around our passion what happens when we lose our passion for our passion?  What happens when what we've created for ourselves and those around us becomes something we have to do instead of something we want to do?  Sometimes outside forces change our scenario, things shift without our effort and the readjustment period can be uncomfortable.  Sometimes we hit plateaus and it might take us a while to break them or choose to climb down and pick another hill.

Running away from home can give us another perspective, give us a chance to see things from afar, what and who do we miss?  It can help us see where we might have been neglectful or the opposite, putting energies into areas with no return.  Is it possible to runaway from home without actually running away?  What exercises of the mind and body could we engage to give us perspective?  

My Katie Pie ran away for home she packed a bag and hit the road.  I believe we are sisters on this path of life because no matter how different we are in sooooo many aspects of our lives we are at our soul struggling similarly.  She is in the road, I am home, both rediscovering, exploring, making anew, breathing, breaking, struggling, living. 

What passions have you lost touch with?

What passions are you cultivating?

Where do you put your energies, is that working for you?

Expected outcome

This morning was one of those workouts that doesn't look hard on paper, it was about a half hour short guy of basic body weight movements.  I had expected some struggle to exist when designing it but was not prepared for what I got.  I was burning more on exercises that are usually not as challenging for me, and was breezing through ones I typically struggle with.  What surprised me the most was the 40 MINUTES it took for me to recover.  I was in the floor trying to keep my world from spinning and losing my breakfast.  I have a student who calls this feeling "tequila shots!" I have experienced this feeling before, quite often actually but tend to recover quickly.  I had not expected the recovery to be the most challenging part of this workout, i had not expected to lose 40 minutes of my day to laying on the floor.  While I was lying in the floor trying not to die I started thinking about how everyday we experience events that don't turn out how we had expected. 

What tools do I use to cope with situations that do not turn out how I expected?   

In what areas am I living into expectation?  

Am I avoiding certain tasks, challenges, and experiences because I already think I know how it will turn out, how does this already knowing hold me back?

What would be possible if I let go of knowing the outcome? 

Go ahead and JUMP!!

Edges.  We all have edges in our lives.  We all have those places we don't go, things we can't have, behaviors we don't participate in, and lives we think about living but few actually do.  These are edges, the darkness, the unknown.  Maybe we day dream about what our lives would look like if we were able to do this magical out there mystical thing.  What if that thing or person, or life we daydream about was possible, today?  What if we took that step into the unknown into the darkness, off the edge?  

Think about a time in your life when you stepped off the edge.  It doesn't need to be a significant event, maybe it's your first day at a new job, the first time you came to the gym, or even driving somewhere without the GPS!  Think about how that felt, what sensations were present in your body, what were your thoughts?  I know for myself when I'm near an edge I start to sweat a little bit, I might avoid doing whatever it is, procrastination, I think about it before I do it.  When we do things we know we don't sit and think about them first, we just do it!  These markers can be useful because sometimes we are at an edge and we don't realize it...why am I sweating, why do I have a knot in my stomach, why am I nervous? Ohhhhh because I'm about to jump!  

What edges currently exist in your life?  What would your life look like if you walked off one of these edges?  What edges have you walked off and found success? What edges did you walk off and fail, did you learn anything from these experiences?  

How are those closest to you effected by your edges? 

New beginning

One of my students requested I start blogging about the lessons I've been sharing with them, she said it would be a nice reminder to her in the outside world of the things we learn in the gym.  

I saw a commercial on the television this weekend, it was for a drug and alcohol rehab facility.  The commercial stated that 83% of people who go to rehab will relapse.  83%!?!?  This number floored me.  17% get it, 17% make the transition.  Rehab is expensive, it seems with all we know of addiction today there could be a better way?  

I have almost 8 years clean and sober, I didn't go to a traditional rehab facility.  I went home.  My mother took care of me through the withdrawals, she put me on a special diet, sent me to a therapist a few times a week, I did go to 12 step meetings almost everyday for the first 90 days, I went to a healer every few days for the first 90 days as well, practiced meditation, and I was in the gym every single day for a couple of hours.  It took a village!

My time in the gym is where I began to see the possible healthy me coming out.  I was terribly out of shape, very soft, had a nice grey hue to my skin, I smoked, and had a head full of "I can't".  I remember making a motivational playlist for my iPod, the voices and thoughts in my head were so loud that I used the music to drown them out.  This was the only way I was able to stay on the treadmill, the quit in me was powerful!! It has taken years for me to reprogram my brain, it still wants to go to "fuck it" all the time.  If I live in "fuck it" what will I ever accomplish?  

I would sweat and suffer in that gym to the point of exhaustion, my addiction wanted to fight, my will to live was fragile, the only way I knew to kill the addiction and strengthen the will to live was to sweat.  I would wake up go to the gym, workout for a couple hours, go home, eat, shower, sleep, wake, therapy, eat, workout, sleep, meeting, wake, eat, workout, cry, therapy, shower, sleep, etc....i was blessed.  I found my strength in the gym, the day I was able to run, and lift, and jump again is the same day I realized if I can do this, make my body strong again, then why can't I make my life strong again...and I did.  

I will share lessons I learned along the way, and share how I continue to struggle, grow, and live. Stay tuned. 

What would have been day 39

I have had to bow out of the Burpee challenge. Early morning Monday March 26 I woke up with severe vertigo. This has stopped me dead in my tracks. I have seen a couple of doctors and we seem to have a handle on it but I've been told it could take weeks (if I'm lucky) to clear up. At the urging of my coach and advisors I will not be returning to the challenge upon my return to the world of working out. This saddens me but I understand. I am proud of the days I did complete, and most proud of my student still in the challenge and the ripples it is sending out. Health and elite fitness does not come easy, I won't give up the fight!

Day 16

Had my personal best time Sunday 11:14. The past two days have not been pushing it for time, just getting them done. I did 20 burps then some sit ups or squats did 20 more then some ouch ups or crunches...etc. I think I'll pick one day ever week or ten days and puch myself for a better time but I fear the wear and tear in my. Ody if I pushed like that for the next 84 days. I am already feeling it in my shins and shoulders, the jarring is starting to take a toll. I'm hoping by splitting them up over a longer time frame will cut down on this possibility of repetitive motion injury. Toady is my 7 years clean and sober anniversary. It felt good this morning to do my Burpees on such an important personal holiday.

Day 14

I felt like crap today. Forgive the blunt nature of this next part but that's how I roll... I had the worst cramps this morning, even Advil was not helping, the last thing in the world I wanted to do today was Burpees, I actually thought I was going to barf before I started the 100 and was positive I was going to struggle and maybe shit myself half way through...this was not the case. I had a personal best today, 11:14!! Mister helped me through the last 20 and they were the fastest I've ever done. Thank you mister!